


Cousland Lives

by Hollow_Whisperings



Category: Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: A girl and her dog, Alistair is an Idiot, Angst and Humor, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Internal Monologue of a Stoic, Poor Alistair, Queen Anora - Freeform, Sarcasm, Survivor Guilt, plus a really drunk dwarf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 02:53:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8951029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hollow_Whisperings/pseuds/Hollow_Whisperings
Summary: Alistair was an idiot. She should never have fallen for him, never have had him crowned, never have given him the opportunity to trade her life for his.Now Elissa, Last of the Couslands, Lord Commander of The Grey Wardens of Ferelden, Hero of Ferelden, etc, etc, was stuck with a job she's not trained for, a troop of completely green recruits and none but her dog, Mischief, for company.Oh, wait, Oghren's there too. Damn.





	

It wasn’t right. She had _prepared_ \- planned _everything_ since first they’d learned what exactly was the true cost of ending a blight.

 _She_ had made the most sense: the veteran Warden was too _important_ , was needed to rebuild Ferelden’s number, needed to teach and initiate recruits into The Order. And after all that _work_ restoring the "Rightful Heir" to _His_ throne (and the bitter work that was securing him a fitting queen)...

 _Elissa_ was expendable. She knew that, had _always_ known it, even when her family did their utmost to pretend otherwise. Elissa was a knight and a Cousland: it was her duty twice-over to die for her people. The family line had already been secured by her brother - or so she had thought - and, regardless, a Warden had no business birthing children, tainted as she was.

Morrigan, dear, prickly, snarling, sarcastic sister of chance _Morrigan_  had... _surprised_ her with her talk of "gods unborn" and "victory without sacrifice". Sisters that they had become, Elissa recognised Morrigan’s desperation to serve out an escape from the martyrdom both knew was Elissa's fate (as well as some glint in the witch's eyes revealing no small amount of ambition to achieve where her mother had not). Elissa had turned her down flat. She _would not_ risk Morrigan’s life now that it was _finally_ her own (killing Flemeth had been brutal on them all and, for all that Morrigan had begged for it, Elissa doubted she was so pleased as _that_ to see the only kin she knew  _dead_ ).

Besides, she had already given up Alistair once. For her to twist the knife _further_ in commanding him into bed with _yet_ _another_ woman he _loathed_? It would be cruel - especially with the specific goal of replicating his own hated circumstance - and the worst of it was she _knew_ he would do it, do  _anything_ , so long as it was  _she_ that did the asking.

No, Elissa would not pass her burden unto others. Death in battle was a kindness compared to any alternatives. That Morrigan had spurned her upon rejection cut deeply but was no true surprise: Elissa suspected that, though her deeper goal had been to bring about this god-child, Morrigan had long since lost interest in their goal now that her part was done.

And then Elissa had allowed herself one, _stupid_ moment of self-indulgence. Under the _pretense_ of ensuring _no-one_ could call King Alistair a coward, the _pretense_ that every Warden was needed in direct battle with the Archdemon, in _pretense_ that this little acquisence would give Alistair closure…

She should _never_ have been so selfish as to wish for her love to be at her side when she died! She should _never_ have been so _ignorant_ to believe he wouldn’t _bollocks_ it up with his _stupid_ _romantic_ ideas of _heroism!_

How could he? Ferelden needed him! All that work in establishing he and Anora as Ferelden's hope and security… for _nothing_! There would be no heir "twice-royal" (for all she was common-born, Anora was a Queen to be thankful for - Elissa gave Loghain credit for  _that_ at least). Ferelden was doomed to yet _another_ crisis of ascension. Doomed for _more_ political foolishness and underhandedness. Doomed to uncertainty anew.

And Alistair was dead. Sweet, eager, snarking Alistair... so excited in his life beyond Chantry and nobility! Even her betrayal in returning him to the gentry he so hated was forgiven _long_ before he would be right in retaining it. Beautiful, clumsy, thoughtful Alistair. First love, first courtship, first _partner_ : _d_ _ead_ before his time. 

Elissa, last of the Couslands, cruelly left living when _all_ that had kept her going had been _duty_ and _justice_ for her family, for _her_ _people_ , for _Ferelden._.!

Elissa, _alone_.

Oh, _Leliana_ pledged "companionship" but Elissa could already recognise the Orlesian’s gaze, however devoted to Elissa, had already settled cautiously on her homeland. There was a reckoning to be had there - not that Leliana would worry Elissa's "noble little head" about it. The Game required its players to play dirty even as they fluttered kisses upon your brow.

Zevran too falsely assured he would keep her "readily" in comfort - the innuendo in his words almost apologetic in knowing what she had lost in Alistair (for all that she had lost him _long_ before he had been lost to them all). Never mind Elissa was well aware that Zevran was already planning on leaving, hoping to prevent bringing further assassins upon them. It was kind of him -even if it _was_ foolish for him to be concerned about mere assassins after they had just destroyed an _old god_ without casualties (save one…).

Sten had made it _very_ clear he would return to his people since the return of his sword had allowed such a return to be possible. That he had decided her worthy to be _Kadan_ meant only that he informed her when he was to leave before doing so. She would miss him dearly - more dearly even than Morrigan who, in the end, had become the sister she never had had - but _Elissa_ of all people understood duty. So it was that Sten left with but a grunt from him and an unflinching Elissa bearing witness to his parting.

Wynne was needed far more by Ferelden than by her: for all whom had died in the Blight there were _dozens_ more wounded and after the losses suffered by the Circle after Uldred... Wynne’s experience and skill made her possibly the most important mage in Ferelden (in _practice_ if not in _title_ ).

No, for all that Alistair had yelled she had to live for as he knocked her blade aside and struck the Archdemon with his own, Elissa was left alone but for Mischief: a repeat of her family's massacre but this time without Duncan and the Wardens as some small comfort...

Oh. Right. Oghren. His unique... _odour_ made him difficult to miss. She _had_ supposed, with a barely-suppressed wince when he jollily swore absolute fealty and decided he'd be a Warden, he would happily stick to her side until he found some other sorry sod to pay for his drink... or until Mischief "accidentally" smothered the dwarf in his sleep. For all her pretense, however, having Oghren _was_ a comfort. They were both of them without family: her through Howe's treachery, he through his wife's obsession. Though Morrigan - even Leliana - would grimace at the notion, Elissa supposed Oghren (and Mischief) were her family now. Oghren certainly smelled as familiar to her as Mischief. Give or take a thick layer of cheap beer.

Even with full access to royal facilities, Oghren was somehow content to keep himself in his war-time habits. Elissa was no dainty lady (Couslands were raised for war: cleanliness was a _luxury_ ) but even _she_ had, at the least, made _vigorous_ use of the royal bathing rooms upon waking post-Blight.

Post-Blight.

If she had _known_ she would _survive_ to see it she would have _adamantly_ refused every award for the “hero” of Ferelden. The title seemed a mockery to her but her parents had trained her too well for her to allow any to recognise how _little_ she appreciated Ferelden’s gratefulness. 

Not only did her nation’s _gratefulness_ rub salt in the wound that was Alistair’s _foolish_ sacrifice but all the pomp and show (which she _understood_ was a much-needed means of raising Ferelden's spirits)... it prevented Elissa from seeing to a proper burial for, well, _everyone she had ever known and loved_ before her reluctant “ _rise_ ” to the Wardens. 

She was _tired_ , so tired. It seemed she had had but the week of Wynne’s firm orders of bedrest before she had been expected to simply _carry on_ as if she were an _actual_  Warden and not a fresh recruit forced into command after the sudden death of everyone else. She knew she _suited_ command (Andraste's Grace, she even _enjoyed_  the _unending paperwork_ ) that she would take pride in the role and the good she could do… if she had _only_  been given time to mourn and _adjust_ beforehand. 

Elissa found herself _sorely_ tempted to simply… wander off. Surely she could sneakily change the route of her envoy from their - "her - new headquarters to… where did that pirate woman claim as her destination? Kirkwall? 

It seemed she’d only entertained the thought for a moment when a scout from ahead was abruptly crying for full-canter: their new headquarters was under attack. By Darkspawn. Because _of course it was._

Elissa idly wished Alistair were here to _truly_ appreciate how much his death had removed her carefully schooled stoicism and practised politeness in exchange for blunt honesty and a great deal of deadpan humour. He’d probably preen. Or be unnerved by how very morbid she sounded.

Without so much as a pause to sigh, Elissa nudged her steed to charge and roared a cry to arms, Mischief happily charging ahead. Oghren would have some Explaining to do when she laid eyes on him.

**Author's Note:**

> If I continue this (i wrote it months ago and only bothered to edit and publish now) the Reveal that Elissa's elder brother survived will be Revealed and the whole wacky crew from Awakenings will show up. 
> 
> I played sword&shield fem!human first to get the ropes then fell in love with how her sincerity and stoic "yes sir, no sir" persona slowly corroded through the Origin party's influence. If she reminds you of Samuel Vimes or Keladry of Mindelan it would Be For A Reason.
> 
> Do comment with your own Warden's development over the game or relationships with their parties! Or about the fic, I guess.


End file.
